Two Doors
“Everything has
two handles,
the one by which
it may be carried,
the other by which
it cannot.”
- Epictetus
This concept of the two handles, from the world of Stoic philosophy, represents to me the way in which each potential action in daily life offers us an opportunity. In each moment, I may act in a way that is “skillful” or “unskillful.” I choose the framework of “skillful” versus “unskillful” rather than “right” or “wrong” because it may leave more room for you to determine what your particular handles look like, as opposed to being imposed externally via tradition or dogma.
In my work with individual clients, I’ll sometimes evoke this notion of two handles, with one handle representing the version of themselves that is run by habitual thoughts and behaviors (“Habit Energy”), and the other handle representing the version of themselves that feels most deeply authentic and that they wish to embody more of the time: Habit Energy vs. Authenticity. In each moment, we may have a choice between action created by automatic habit (a less conscious option) or by willful authenticity (a more conscious option). And these moments could be big or small, from an argument with a loved one to the act of eating breakfast.
In this moment, how do I most wish to be living?… on autopilot or manually taking the wheel?
Over time, my understanding of the metaphor has evolved through hearing others’ perspectives, and the notion of handles has shifted in my mind into “two doors,” and the two corresponding worlds these doors open into. The Habit Energy Door may feel familiar and comfortable to some extent, but may also lead to a world that is dissatisfying and unfulfilling. The Authenticity Door may be the more challenging option in the moment, particularly as it may involve some element of fear, vulnerability, and uncertainty, but it may also reveal a world that is meaningful, connected, and Alive. I believe the Habit Energy Door inevitably develops a powerful momentum over the course of a lifetime, opening with the slightest touch, while the Authenticity Door may feel heavier and require more effort and exertion to open. But the only way to slow this habitual momentum, and to shift the balance, is to keep choosing the Authenticity Door as often as you can, in actions big and small (maybe especially the small ones at first), and trust that it will open into the life you most deeply want to be living.
This concept is related to that of “Discipline vs. Regret”, described in a previous post, and is just another potential mnemonic tool to help you remember, on a daily and moment-to-moment basis, to act in ways that are aligned with the way you really think, feel, and want to live.
