What is "Self-Help"?
What does the term “self-help” really mean? This term represents a massive growing industry and an activity that likely many of us would say we engage in, but how do you define it and what does it serve?
Upon personal reflection, I think this concept of helping the self can be divided into two different types: lowercase self-help and uppercase Self-help. Below are basic operational definitions of the two versions.
Lowercase self-help:
This serves the version of you that you’ve learned you need to or are supposed to be as imposed by external influences (e.g., society, family, peers, etc.). This serves the desire to improve in order to be finally “good enough” in some way, whether that be physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, socially, etc. This kind of activity is full of shoulds, musts, and rules.
Uppercase Self-help:
This serves the version of you that you’ve always been, that never needed to improve, that was always good enough and beautiful in the way that only you could be. This serves the desire to know who you are and be authentically yourself. This kind of activity is not rule-bound and is made up as you go, based on how you most deeply and truly feel beyond learned concepts of right or wrong.
I believe these two versions operate in direct conflict with one another, and activity in the service of one may inherently weaken the other. So it’s important to know which one you’re engaged in, otherwise it might feel like you’re never getting anywhere or that you’re failing in some way despite efforts to succeed.
Plato’s Allegory of the Cave may help to illustrate this dilemma. In the allegory, a group of people are imprisoned in chains facing the wall of a cave, and all they are able to see are the shadows on the wall projected from the world passing by behind them, illuminated by a fire. The prisoners give names to the shadows, create an entire system of living based on the shadows, and see the shadows as the whole reality. On some level they may feel the urge to turn their heads and live fully in the world, beyond the limited view of the shadow world. And while this turning may offer freedom, liberation, and authenticity, it may also instill fear due to the possible shattering of their previous worldview and loss of the simplicity and security that the shadow view provides. I’m reminded of the quote from Sheldon Kopp, “we often prefer the control of guaranteed unhappiness over the uncertainty of possible happiness.”
To my mind, the shadow world symbolizes lowercase self-help and the turning to see and feel the full world, despite the uncertainty of doing so, symbolizes uppercase Self-help. Which are you working to serve?
Are you serving
the self
or
the Self?
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