Shame vs. Guilt
The topic of shame has come up in my work a few times recently and I thought I’d share a useful psychological distinction between the feeling of shame and the feeling of guilt:
Guilt: A feeling that something I did was wrong or bad.
Shame: A feeling that I am wrong or bad.
This is a subtle but profound difference. One student fails an exam and wishes they had studied more but also knows that this doesn't mean they’re a bad person or a failure at large (guilt). Another student fails the same exam and sees this as proof that they’re a bad person and a failure of a human (shame).
Shame often traces back to early emotional origins and tends to play out implicitly under the surface of consciousness. Sometimes just to shed light on the psychological premises involved in feeling shame will expose that these premises are clearly untrue. Just to directly ask the second student, “Does getting an F on this exam mean you are a bad person and a failure in life?,” may reveal to them the obvious answer, “No.”
But if not for making the implicit explicit, the shame festers subconsciously. This is the disinfectant of sunlight. Look for the underlying premises that accompany feelings of shame, and the feeling may dissolve into manageable guilt. “I failed the exam. I do feel bad about this and wish I did better. I will try harder next time. And ultimately, even if I fail the next exam, too, none of this makes me a bad person.”
If you’re interested, you’ll find a link below to an upcoming workshop with me and Saqib Rizvi. We both work professionally in this area of shame-shedding, a process which I think is a requirement for living an authentic life. So, if you’d like, please join us for some live philosophical exploration and group meditation.
Join me and Saqib Rizvi
on 4/9 for a live 3hr
virtual experience
of small group
meditation & discussion.
Click here to learn more
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