How to Not Be Annoyed
“It is not the strongest of the species
that survives,
nor the most intelligent.
It is the one that is
most adaptable to change.”
- Charles Darwin
This past week, I had a plan in mind for how my Saturday would go. One of my favorite things is getting up early on Saturday mornings and spending some caffeinated time at a local cafe, an inspiring location for creative thought and writing (I’m there/here now).
This particular Saturday, I was going to spend the morning and into the afternoon solely dedicated to writing a book I’ve been working on (a passion project that has been in development for a few years and recently has gained some steam). No distractions and no editing, just a deep space of free writing - a perfect start to the weekend.
Saturday arrives, my alarm rings, I’ve got my comfy clothes set out, computer bag packed up, and I’m ready to go. It feels a bit chillier than usual and, per standard operating procedure, I go to turn the heat up a bit to find that it’s 49 degrees inside and the heat is not working. The South Dakota winter already laughs at my synthetic heat like its a toddler trying to fight a grownup, and I’m a new homeowner with just about zero around-the-house acumen, so this was unwelcome news. I felt the Saturday I had envisioned slip from my fingers and in its place entered a ball of worried thoughts and annoyed feelings, worry about how to resolve the issue and annoyed resistance against the loss of my desired day.
This was unwelcome news until I welcomed it. Over time, through a variety of what you might call self-awareness practices, I’ve adopted the perspective that those things I resist are actually fertile opportunities to expand my window of acceptance, to enhance my ability to flow-with reality instead of arguing with it. I came across that turn of phrase recently, “arguing with reality,” and I rather like it. It came from a spiritual writer of sorts who was explaining that they believed themselves to be spiritually advanced but, upon deeper inspection, realized that they subtly continued arguing with reality on a regular basis.
The annoyances that arise have already arisen. It may feel good in the moment to argue with them, maybe to plea with or shout at the universe for providing them, but our arguing and our resistance against reality is the one thing we can release. This doesn't mean to give up or not attempt to change things, but simply to jettison the weight of argument with the existence of plain facts of reality that are already here.
I quickly felt a pang of grief for my lost morning and then opened up to embrace what my morning could be. About six hours later, after a visit from an HVAC professional and a few hours on the phone with my thermostat customer support, I not only had heat but also a greater understanding of how my heating system works. I’ve never felt so appreciative of heat. I can press a button in my home and it miraculously becomes filled with a comfortable temperature that I take for granted (until now). I sat on the floor by a vent in my living room for 15 minutes or so in a state of relief, relishing the warm air and feeling a simple happiness I could not have anticipated earlier that morning. In addition to addressing the heating, I had time to take on a few lingering home projects that would have otherwise remained lingering.
And now, here I am back at the cafe on Sunday.
How might you
let go of
arguing with reality?
***On a final note, I’ve added an option at the end of these blog posts for you to make a small contribution if you’d like. Please only do so if you feel moved to, and know that your donation goes directly toward helping me continue to provide affordable individual guidance as well as create new content, such as this blog, in the name of increased well-being and reduced psychological suffering. One particular project I’m currently working on is a book that encapsulates my psychological, philosophical, and spiritual perspective on getting to know oneself deeply and getting out of one’s own way. If you’re so inclined, your contribution would support these efforts and would be greatly appreciated (click the button below to donate). Thank you for being here!