Cocoon of Thought

There are times while sitting in meditation that I experience what you could call visualizations, a combination of a felt sense with an added visual component. Sometimes I’ll investigate these experiences further and attempt to conceptually flesh them out. Here’s an example from the other day that stuck with me:

While sitting and noticing the feeling of my breath passing in and out of my nostrils, I was struck by the sensation of a sort of forcefield surrounding my physical body, like a layer of something intangible extending a few inches beyond my skin and clothes, keeping me wrapped inside (see drawing).

Meditation forcefield feeling

It felt as though this field of energy was protecting me in some way, keeping me safe from what is “outside of me.” At the same time, it was, and maybe always is, keeping me from touching the “outside world” in an immediate, direct way. As I contemplated further, this field seemed to be made up of thought, of my thinking mind, of my plans for later, my worries and concerns, and even these thoughts that I’m now sharing with you about my experience in meditation. There is this thick layer of thinking that keeps me from direct contact with the immensity of the world that is all around me in this moment - that keeps “me” protected and safe inside my predictable mental world while also preventing true connection with Just Right Now. Fritz Perls called this the intermediate zone of fantasy, the layer of self-conscious thinking that prohibits direct contact with Now.

Layer of thinking between me and the World

As I considered the feeling further, an image of a cocoon entered my mind. I felt as though wrapped inside a cocoon of my own thoughts - this could be conceptualized as my “ego,” my “pair of glasses.” It may be that, for much of my lived experience, I am a caterpillar living inside a cocoon that has been growing and building layers since I was born. In searching out thoughts from others along the same lines, I found the following quote by the Persian poet Shams Tabrizi: “Like a caterpillar we weave a cocoon of thoughts, doubts, and fantasies, slowly suffocating ourselves.” In the drawing below, I’ve attempted to illustrate the juxtaposition of remaining enveloped inside one’s thinking mind relative to the vastness of the surrounding world (the cocoon is zoomed in at the top right).

The cocoon of the thinking mind that keeps us hidden from the vast outside world

However, in the experience of the caterpillar, this is not suffocation… this not a bad thing. On the contrary, the development of the cocoon is part of the caterpillar’s natural evolution; it is an essential part of its nature. I wonder if, as conscious humans, we inevitably develop a cocoon of thought, a layer of self-conscious protection against the outside world. I wonder if this is just as natural as the cocoon of the caterpillar.

Maybe the difference is, as humans, we could either remain tucked inside the cocoon for our entire lives or, through awareness of the cocoon and the vast cosmos surrounding it, we could become more clearly aware of our situation and begin to poke through and gradually emerge from the cocoon. I can appreciate the ways my cocoon has served and protected “Charles” all these years AND at the same time gradually transcend it into something larger and more deeply connected (becoming my butterfly self). Outside of the cocoon, the problems of the cocoon (the thinking self-conscious mind) no longer make any sense and no longer cause the fear and anxiety they once did. BUT it also makes sense for the cocoon to fight for its survival, not wanting to be shed and cast aside. This is like the ego hanging on for dear life as it senses “you” moving on - “don’t let me go!”

Are “you” the cocoon or what’s inside the cocoon?
Are you that underlying process that is ultimately the same in the caterpillar and in the butterfly?
What would it be like to fly?
How might that feel different than how you feel right now?
How might you experiment with letting go and giving in to the process of nature?

Poking through the Cocoon of Thought into connection with Everything…