While sitting in meditation, thoughts will arise. I may be attempting to focus on the movement of breathing but instead find the light of consciousness focused upon a narrative story. The particular quality of these stories varies, but I’ll place them in two categories for now: 1) problem-solving, and 2) exploration. The problem-solving variety often comprises the bulk of thought in my meditations, and I generally attempt to notice myself mentally responding to an email or deciding what to have for dinner later, for example, and then return to an immediate focus on the breath that is simply happening Now. Inevitably the problem-solving thinking sneaks back in for me to notice and return to breathing; think, notice, return, repeat.

But when I stumble into exploratory thinking, this seems to be of an altogether different character juxtaposed against problem-solving. I acknowledge that I may be deluding myself, and this, too, is just thinking to be noticed and let go of, but let’s play with the idea that it is actually different. When exploratory thinking arises, it seems to me a gift, something being revealed almost as if the breath took me by the hand into a subterranean layer of my own wisdom that was otherwise hidden under the noise of daily busyness and said, “Look, remember this? Isn’t this cool?”

This morning in meditation, after several minutes of internal ping pong between breath-focus and habitual problem-solving thinking, I noticed the word “enlightenment” enter the conscious arena, and decided to stay in the arena to see what else showed up. What is the essence of this word? It is frequently used and yet so mysterious. It seems to hold the answer to everything, to any problem, to any unhappiness, and yet it also seems to elude any manual or series of clear steps teaching how to become “enlightened.” Other words may be used to describe it, such as “awakening” or “liberation,” but these seem only to be synonyms that provide no added meaning, like asking what it means to be “genuine” and receiving the answer that it means being “authentic.”

I recalled a Thich Nhat Hanh quote that goes, “Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean.” I find that to be about as good an explanation as one can find, yet it’s still esoteric in terms of practical application. Finally entering the arena was a string of words reading “enlightenment is a conscious perspective in which an individual truly has no desire for things to be different than they are right now.” This statement was further clarified in that we may seek this perspective in one of two ways.

In the first, we endeavor to change our lives to achieve a state in which we will no longer want things to be different, such as through the pursuit of things, of money, of certain relationships, of fame, “success,” revenge, and so on. This first path may take a lifetime of struggle and effort and a delaying of enjoyment of life in order to enjoy it at some later date, once these things have been achieved and we no longer want things to be different because we’ve made all these changes. We could value this first path as additive.

The second path is the inverse of the first, and is reductive in nature. On this path, we slow down and explore why we want these things in the first place. We get to the very root of our internal discomfort and, if we stay there long enough, see through the desire for change in the present moment, because I actually cannot change the present moment. It is here. We may reveal things that we still would like to change, and decide to act upon them, but we would not desire them to be different, Now, because they can’t be (hopefully that’s making some sense, hah).

As a wave, I might like to reach the shore one day, but I can’t be there Now (unless I am there), and I may wish to have a different past, to have seen more sunlight, but I can’t change that Now. I simply am this wave in this moment. There is nothing more to be had or to be done than This. And underneath all of this wishing from the perspective of the wave, I am the ocean.

I can’t say that my exploratory thinking within meditation got me anywhere substantial, but it was fun and felt meaningful in and of itself. So this may be something for you to play with: dropping beneath problem-solving thought and listening to your own inner wisdom regarding the big questions of life.

What is

”enlightenment”

to you?

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