The Open Hand
I’ve seen versions of the following quote attributed to a few different sources, but I’ll admit that I first came across it while watching Kung Fu Panda, hah:
”Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
But today is a gift;
that’s why it’s called the present.”
In relation to this quote, and its application to daily life, I often think of the visual metaphor of an open hand versus a closed fist (you may have heard me mention this if you’ve taken one of my courses). The closed fist represents a stance of exerting control, of attempting to “do,” to grasp life and conquer it through effort and determination. The open hand, alternatively, represents a stance of complete openness to the mystery that is All of This, happening only Right Now. If the present moment is a gift, my hand must be open in order to receive it. If my hand is tightened into a fist, I am actively rejecting the gift. But “open” is a vulnerable position to be in. It can feel like prey willingly exposing itself to a predator. This may be the inherent paradox in being vulnerable.
In relationships, for example, we sometimes learn to develop a persona; a collection of style, mannerisms, actions and behaviors, that we have learned will make others like us, even if we don’t feel this persona collection is who we truly are. By living under the guise of the persona, we reinforce the belief that who we are underneath is in some way not good enough (and is maybe even “bad”), and that we must continue to wear the persona mask and keep adding new features and upgrades to it, to finally reach that point where we will be enough. In this example, the persona mask is the closed fist; an effort to exert control, to change what is.
However, by continuing to wear and add to the persona, we are in some way guaranteeing that the more basic, raw, and “truer” version of ourselves cannot be seen. By exerting control, taking my identity into my own hands to fit what I perceive others want, I actively guarantee that I, in the deepest sense, cannot truly feel wanted, accepted, loved - I actively deny the thing I’m grasping for. This is a honey pot that is difficult not to get stuck in; my guess is we all fall into its stickiness to different degrees of depth.
If we become aware of this vicious circle, of the ineffectiveness of this strategy to achieve its ultimate goal, then we can try something new. We may experiment with the “open hand.” What is the stance of the open hand? That might be a question only you can answer. And the answer may consist mainly in identifying what feels inauthentic (those surface layers of the persona) and experimenting with letting them go. This letting go may simultaneously reveal what is more authentic, which likely will coincide with some experience of anxiety, especially if this stance is new to you. Staying with the example of relationships, you might consider those things you do that don’t feel authentic, and play with doing the opposite, just to see how it feels.
Do you always fill silence in conversation, and feel that it blocks from deeper connection?
See what it’s like to say nothing.
Do you often say nothing and feel disconnected or withdrawn?
See what it’s like to say anything, even if it feels weird.
This is the playfulness of the open hand.
In your daily living, you might at any point feel into your body, your physical posture, and notice how you feel like a closed fist grasping for control, and experiment with adjusting into a stance of openness, like a hand slowly unfolding to potentially receive this gift that is always available only Here… like a flower opening toward the life-giving energy of the sun. Trust the body in this process.
Importantly, to experience the gift, I think we may also need to close the hand back up to hold it. So maybe a life lived “authentically” is one that is not always closed and not always open, but closes and opens with flexibility, like a wavelength of opening to receive this gift and closing to take a look at what it’s like Right Now.
*Below, I’ve included a guided practice from my Insight Timer collection that complements this principle.
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Being Like Water