Human Connection
How would you describe a connected, genuine, enjoyable human interaction between two people? I’d venture to guess the answer has something to with the two members involved feeling comfortable “being themselves,” feeling no need to be careful about what they say and no urge to conform to some societal or situational expectation. The simple drawing below represents such an interaction: two people simply Being together.
In any interaction between two people, however, there are likely actually 4 identities intermingling. Let’s use me and you for example: if we were talking, there would be my mental idea of me and my mental idea of you bubbling inside my mind, and then your mental idea of you and your mental idea of me inside yours. My mental idea of me likely changes depending on the role I’m playing at the moment and depending on my relationship with you (e.g., if there’s some element of power that I have or that you have, it will likely impact this internal dynamic), and vice versa. The drawing below represents all of the mental noise created by the various internal identities that get in the way of the direct connection illustrated above.
Mental ideas of “me” & “you” inside both of us
While this internal dynamic may serve us by providing some sense of control, safety, and predictability, it may also block us from ever directly connecting with other human beings. Family identities, for example, can become particularly hardened over time, so these relationships offer opportunities to practice letting go of who you think you are and who you think the other person is, and continually re-open to who you both are only Now in this moment, together. This can be a fun experiment to try with anyone (noticing and then letting go of your internal idea of yourself and the other person) and may even help others in our lives to really feel heard and understood as they are today rather than as we have come to expect them to be. The final drawing below shows how we might use each other as anchors to return to Just This that is unfolding, this one opportunity to truly be alive.
Using another person as a doorway into Now